1+1 does NOT = 2 with kids!

And just like that … he was a big brother! I was wondering how I was going to cope with the sleepless nights that come with a newborn and didn’t realise the havoc her arrival would have on his sleeping. Our two year old son was a good sleeper – the first 8 months of his life were not fantastic in terms of sleep, but we got professional help in the form of a sleep-trainer (will do a proper post on this sometime) and we got our groove back. We had some ups and downs over the past few months, but generally our son was fine with sleep … and then SHE arrived 🙂 Luckily for me, I have the milk supply and have the newborn right next to our bed in a co-sleeper, so my husband would have to wrestle the two year old back to sleep, but what a turnaround! And then my husband explained it to me in terms I could understand. He told me to imagine him bringing home a new wife and asking me to share all my stuff with her, be nice to her and understand that he would love us both equally and only be able to spend half as much time with me as before and be okay (no, actually be HAPPY) with it! When he put it like that … no wonder the little man was having sleepless nights 😉 A few nights later, though, it seems like calm has been restored and both our little people sleep reasonably well, but sleep-deprivation can totally alter one’s perspective on things.

It is wonderful, though, (and sleep deprivation is a SMALL price to pay for this) to watch a bond develop between siblings. I think that at 2 years of age, our son was still too young to comprehend that the ball I was carrying in my belly was actually coming out at some stage and would become his life companion. He loved cuddling the ball and seems to love this little being as much as we do.

Share your story of siblings below and stand a chance of winning R500. Congrats to our last winner, Samantha! She has already received her prize. This month, we’ll do lots of giveaways as we celebrate the month of Moms, May! Check in regularly and share your comments.

Thanks so much for making Modern Mommy one of the most read blogs on parenthood in SA in such a short time.

Love and light,

xx MM

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36 Comments

  1. Fatima
    Sun, 01 May 2016
    Reply

    Hi Jo Anne
    At 1st I was sceptical about the birth of my second son as well. It’s amazing how loving and protective a 2yr old little boy can be of his baby brother. God does work in wonders. We as adults put too much stress on the irrelevant things, as you say it’s amazing to watch the bond between the two siblings. I was just as worried about my son’s sleeping patterns being disturbed, but thankfully it hasn’t changed at all.

  2. Fierdous jappie
    Sun, 01 May 2016
    Reply

    My daughter was used to having me all to herself when she was an only child (for 3 years), as well as the attention of everyone else around her, because her cousins were all in another province and she was the only baby around for the grandparents to dote over. When her brother was born in 2013, she soon learned that she needed to share everything with him. What really helped us with the adjustment,though- before he was born, my friends threw me a baby shower and gifted her with a baby boy doll with clothes and toy powder, shampoo etc and i waited until my son was born before i let her open it.The doll and her brother had the same name. This way she could watch me with him and we could do the nappy changes, bath time and feeding time together! It worked for a while. And it was a magical time. <3

  3. Joy Cleophas
    Sun, 01 May 2016
    Reply

    We are patiently awaiting the arrival of our second bundle of joy as I am currently 38 weeks pregnant. And so far our 5 year old has been very understanding during the last few months, singing lullabies to my bump and telling baby 2.0 about his day at school and doing a countdown and now even telling baby that we are ready and cannot wait to meet him. I can only hope that we have prepared him enough so that the love that he has showed towards baby bump continues once baby makes his arrival.

  4. Gillian
    Sun, 01 May 2016
    Reply

    This is nothing relating to the siblings topic, but I thought I’d take the time to commend you on the phenomenal way in which you’ve protected your family. It allows your children to just be. Being a public figure was a choice you made for yourself – you aren’t forcing that decision on any of your family members. I respect you for that, & in turn I am certain they will appreciate having that choice too.

    You are doing so well. It has been a privilege watching you grow.
    Gillo

  5. Fatima Nathie
    Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    I loved reading this article as I can so relate!
    My 3 year oldboy was still two when his sister made her arrival in December (she’s 5 months tomorrow ??), but he took everything in his stride! From day 1, he’d excitedly take visitors to her cot and say “see baby”, or scold her if she cries too much by saying “girlie stop this noise”?. The bond I see developing just melts my heart when I see how lovingly she laughs uncontrollably when he does silly antics such as “where she, where she” or dances with no rhythm! It’s just amazing how he can light up her face by just being around her, and how he looks for her first thing in the morning when he wakes up (side note, he started sleeping again through the night about two weeks ago, after taking 5 months off ?). But I must say, I’d give up sleep everyday of my life, but would never want to be without my little people.

    Thank you for your post and sharing your story. I always look forward to your blog posts and wish your family endless blessings always!

    Fatima xxx

  6. Kakale Munamati
    Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    Hi,
    Although I am not a parent yet I can completely relate to sibling bonds being formed. Your husband explained it very well as I experienced the same with my sister until we were teens haha! Im sure it will be a beautiful experience for you to watch yoyr children bond! Enjoy

  7. Florence Scholtz
    Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    We had a baby girl, three years later another one, and four years later the twins arrived. Now we have four beautiful girls, You can imagine the chaos and sleep deprevation in our house.
    But when i see my children play together, holding each others hands, laughing and yes fighting too, i am nothing but absolutely blessed.
    Luckily we never had any jealousy issues.
    We have days where they fight nonstop, but at night theyll try and fit in a normal size bath, and snuggle up in a single bed.
    Such a priviledge raising four girls.

  8. Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    The transition from one to two kids is by far one of the hardest things I’ve gone through in my life! My kids are also 2 years apart and those first few months were extremely tough on the older one. I can assure you it does get easier with time and in no time your older boy won’t even remember life without his little sibling. My two are playing so nicely together now, it’s just so special to see 😉

  9. Candice Gain
    Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    My son will be 20 months old when his brother arrives. I am a little anxious about how to introduce the baby to him, will impact the way he feels about his brother for the rest of his life ? My comfort is that people have been doing this forever, we will be ok….we will be tired….but Ok ?

  10. Shaheeda loofer
    Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    I waited five years before having another baby as I had a colicky baby as well as an episiotomy with my firstborn..hence was not a happy mom at first but with the birth of my second baby ..All smiles..He was the happiest , calmest baby …All sanity returned to our home .the one balanced out the other ..so two can only be a blessing. .and truth be told today my daughter is the calm one and my son is testing the waters to adulthood..

    Congratulations and blessings on your journey J

  11. Fatima Asmal
    Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    Being a big brother or sister comes comes with so much responsibiltity! And yet the rewards are so sweet! My daughter was 4 when my little girl was born, she’ll be 6 in October and it has just started getting easier. The little one absolutely adores her big sister and they each love having a playmate & friend around all day! For a mom to see that bond is nothing short of MAGICAL! Loving the blog Jo-Ann.. Wishing you and your family the very best Xx

  12. Thokozani mabunda
    Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    Congratulations J and all due best .

  13. Busi Phaahla
    Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    We are a family of 6…mom and dad were lucky, two girls and two boys.. Out of the four kids seemingly I’m the peacemaker and the sweet one and that has been like that since I was young…I’m from a small village down in Limpopo.. I remember back in the days mommy would come with fruits from town and believe you me my siblings would fight with the fruits till they finish and I would wait for mommy to give me….lol funny but true! My sister and the older brother never got along and I always had to be in between….my younger brother is the sweetest of them all…Today we have grown to be one big loving family….

    love my family to bits!

  14. Chante Groenewald
    Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    I was an only child until age 4.
    I was a handful as a toddler, so much so that my mom and dad decided to not even consider having another. Having a mind of my own (still to this day) I decided that I wanted a sister and started praying every night for sometime. We still have it on video..
    My parents never tried and fell pregnant 4 months later. The Lord being The Great I Am, He always is blessed our family with a baby girl and answered my prayers.
    Till this day she’s my best friend, the one I can always count on, my sidekick and constant.
    One doesn’t fully appreciate each other at a young age but as one grows older, you truly see the blessing God has given you to never go through life alone.
    I have so much love for baby sister (who’s a baby no longer) and will always encourage her to reach beyond what she think is possible while being the safety net to catch her when life gets though, reminding her that she is tougher.

  15. Yasmina Jones
    Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    Im 37 wks pregnant and my lg is 4yrs old, must say she is being rather mature about the whole situation and super excited to meet her little brother. Definitely had to prep her about the new addition as she’s been on her own for so long so can totally relate to your husbands example lol she’s been with to scans, helped choose things for baby and just the other night i pretended to cry like a baby each time she wanted to speak to test her reaction with life with a new baby and was pleasantly surprised. She ‘rocked’ me and told me its going to be ok and she will get some milkies lol! I couldnt believe it haha lets hope she feels the same when our little boy joins us soon 🙂 

  16. Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    Hi there
    I had my second baby 7 weeks ago, (a boy) and I have a 1 year old daughter. I never expected to have a second child so soon after my daughter. She has been the light of our lives since the moment we found out we were pregnant the first time and I was terrified that I was somehow going to lose her when the new baby arrived. It was difficult at first after he was born but she and I have eventually adjusted and she loves her baby brother to bits. She’s always kissing him and holding his tiny hands. It makes my life so much more worth it. 🙂

  17. Lauren
    Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    I wrote out my comment last night once my little one had gone off to sleep, but once I posted the comment it didn’t save ? I don’t have time right now to post that comment again but the short of it is that I have an almost one year old and we are loving being parents but it is a lot of work as as well. We’d like another child but are not sure about when the best time would be to introduce a sibling… Is there ever a “best time” I guess not, each child and family is different and we figure things out along the way ?

  18. Nasika Baijnath
    Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    As a mum of two I can relate to this article. I always feel my big baby doesn’t have the same attention as my before my little one was born but we trying and we are learning everything everyday.

  19. Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    My daughter was 21 months old when my son was born. We followed the advice in the parenting magazines when introducing her to her brother and gave her some presents which we said were from her new sibling. She looked us squarely in the eye and said she knew that it was from us. However, she did end up being very fond of her brother and they are growing up as friends and siblings

  20. Taryn
    Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    Enter Your Comment… Just a month ago I brought home my second bundle of joy and I echo your post: life surely changes for everyone in the house. Four year old big sister is very protective of her little sister and it seems like almost instantly a lifelong friendship formed between the two of them. Nights started out rough with big sister waking up everytime baby woke up. One night I sat with two wide awake children at two in the morning.Hubby and I decided this is not on and with some work we got ourselves into a routine. Yes the washing is double, the crying is double but so is the joy and cherished moments and memories.

  21. Annatjie Bouwer
    Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    OMW, the whole thing is quite scary. Our little boy is due in four weeks and I am totally not sure how our four year old girl is going to react….. Reading your post gave me hope though, thanks!

  22. Christine
    Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    Siblings are wonderful to have, I think your must children not to far apart in age. I have two older sisters who are 19 months apart….? there is a 12 year gap between my sisters and I. I enjoy having older siblings they teach you things, look after you as well it is a good feeling

    You are doing a great job keep it up. Even thought I am not a parent you are an inspiration to me. I hope one day I get to meet you.

    I would like to give a special message : Parenthood is not easy, our parents had to go through it as well,Enjoy it while they are young because children grow up too quickly???

  23. Ingrid Clark
    Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    My son loves his sister very much and is overly protective of his sister ever since she was born and is apparently be escorting her to her matric dance in 3 years time. She is horrified at this becoming a reality. She told him she would rather not attend her matric ball. We told her not to worry as he will only drop her off at the venue. He smiles……lol. I miss their baby years…..wondering how time flew passed so quickly, but enjoying their journey to adulthood too!

  24. Crystal
    Mon, 02 May 2016
    Reply

    My first time reading your blog and you get me all nostalgic!! I have 2 girls age 9 and 11 and their sibling bond is a beautiful gift of love that was shared the day our second daughter was born. Getting my almost 2yr old daughter to understand that she was goin to have to share her Kingdom with another princess was easy because that little princess lived inside mommy’s tummy for a while…so i thought!!! but when she arrived my older princess was quite overwhelmed and refused to so much as glance at the new princess. I remember thinking, “hmmmn my little princess has turned diva”because she refused to pose for a pic with her sister at the hospital. I thought I had prepared her but after seeing her reaction I realised I had to reinforce that she was just as special as her sister. I told her that the kingdom she lives in was growing because God had given mom and dad another princess to take care of and that He needed the big sister princess to welcome her by giving her lots of gifts and those gifts had to be very special that only a big sister had. I told her that all the kisses; hugs and tickles that mommy gave her she had to give it to her sister. Well 9 years later they still share a bed, share bath time play time and they are inseparable. They are not only sisters they are best friends too.

  25. rehana seedat
    Tue, 03 May 2016
    Reply

    We thought we had it all figured out even before our baby arrived. For the first six weeks, the baby would sleep in the bassinet, closest to my side of the bed. I had grand visions of a slumbering little peanut, peacefully dreaming while I watched his angel face smiling back at me; I wasn’t going to miss any of it. At six weeks, he’d transition flawlessly to his crib where he would sleep for 12-hour stretches while hubby and I would begin to adjust back to normal life—cook up elaborate, romantic dinners like we used to, and settle into our comfy sectional to watch endless episodes of The Walking Dead and Orange is the New Black.
    Then reality sank in quickly and ruthlessly. Soon enough we both felt like zombies—. Every day would painfully bleed into the next, with no end in sight for the midnight, 2 a.m., 4 a.m. and 6 a.m. wake-up calls. While I felt loved my new baby dearly, the sleep deprivation was absolutely jarring. When it was time to transition him to his crib, I hit my sleep-deprivation rock bottom.So, what’s a new mom to do? In all honesty, I am still figuring it out. But here’s are some tried-and-tested tips that have worked for me and my husband:1 Sleep when baby sleeps: What a cliché, right? Wrong. In the first few weeks, I packed everything I could into his 20-minute naps: house cleaning, dishes, laundry, reading, writing, phone calls, online bill payments and more. Until one day I felt so weak I found myself wanting to fall asleep behind the wheel. My best bet was to catch as many zzz’s as I could while he slept. Forget about the late night shows for a while. I used to be a self-professed night owl. In fact, I enjoyed taking the night shift so, bedtime was 2 a.m. most nights. To ensure I was getting enough sleep, I had to adjust my sleep routine, and it took a while. Four hours of sleep might work for Anthony Robins, but I needed my rest in order to function properly. So, I trained myself to go to bed by 10. Even though motherhood isn’t easy, U CAN always look forward to the happiness/ joy, special & cherished moments with your kids

  26. Niquita
    Tue, 03 May 2016
    Reply

    Good morning mummy’s
    my little girl is 2 and her little sister is 6 months. My eldest adores her little sister and does not mind sharing mommy. She doesn’t understand why little sister won’t play with her properly yet. Have to remind her she’s still little. I love watching the bond that is forming every day between them.

  27. Tue, 03 May 2016
    Reply

    I really like this post! My sister and I are 2 years apart (I’m older) and there’s is something really remarkable about growing up like this 🙂 My second sister is many years younger than us and the bond we formed took a bit longer yet is fundamental and truly special in a very different way.
    Love & Light

  28. Terry
    Tue, 03 May 2016
    Reply

    Congratulations to you, You are truly blessed with your now Pigeon pair. Bigs Kisses to big Brother on having his baby sis. Stay Blessed and may you keep sharing your joyous moments with us. Love U x

  29. Tue, 03 May 2016
    Reply

    Shortly after our son’s arrival our firstborn came in to meet her sibling. As she walked up to the bath she noticed her baby brother and exclaimed, “Thank you Mommy, thank you!” Which, in short, describes the relationship between our now eight month old son and three year old daughter, anyways, for most parts of it 😉 but I can’t imagine having the one without the other, they make a great team. He learns a lot from her and she has a new best friend to dance, play, read, and grow up with.

  30. Tue, 03 May 2016
    Reply

    Hi Jo-Ann
    I really love your blog, as I can relate so much (I think we are more-or-less the same age, and both working mommies). I only have one child, a boy, who turns 3 in June. The love my husband and I have for him is (dare I say obviously) astonishing – never knew that I would be able to love like this. My fear is however: I don’t know (and at this stage it feels rather impossible) whether I will be able to love a 2nd (or 3rd) child as much as I love him. Everyone I speaks to smiles at this and admits that most mommies have this fear, but that that is part of the wonder of parenthood – the ability to love equally, even if you feel that your heart is already at maximum capacity 🙂 I also have 2 younger brothers and I know my mom loves us equally, so I find solace in that whenever doubt threatens to take over on whether I’ll be able to love a 2nd child as much as our eldest. As for the bond between siblings – it is something I am extremely excited of whenever I think of our son having a baby brother or sister. I think he will simply be amazing 🙂 Good luck with the sleepless nights!

  31. Kashiefa
    Tue, 03 May 2016
    Reply

    Reading this post has really made me realize that it is possible to maybe plan for another baby as my boy is only 2 years old and extremely attached to me. Just the thought of having sleepless nights a second time around got me thinking?? My son really loves babies but would how would he react if he had a little brother or sister. Would he have the ability to share me or not. All these things run through my mind.

  32. Renicia
    Tue, 03 May 2016
    Reply

    Hi Jo Ann
    My son was 4 when we fell pregnant with our baby girl. We had always given him our undivided attention and constant love, we never knew what was headed our way. After birth he started acting up a little we have finally gotten the hang of a now very mindful 5 year old and a feisty 11 month old. It takes a lot of getting used to but once mastered, it’s such a bliss and the most fulfilling part of my day!!!!!

  33. Rosita
    Thu, 05 May 2016
    Reply

    Hi Jo Ann.
    My daughter turned two when my son was born. I had no idea how I was going to handle a new born and toddler. Plus my husband and i moved just a month before i gave birth to a new home new area away from family and friends. I was overwhelmed at first but with my husband by my side everything worked out good.

  34. Carolyn Augustus
    Fri, 06 May 2016
    Reply

    The age gap with my two is a whole 12 years. At first my eldest wasn’t very impressed with the fact that she was going to be a big sister but that changed quickly. My two girls are now the best of friends and big sis is so in love and over protective of her baby sis. They do everything together and big sis is like a ‘second mom’ cause she helps her baby sis with everything.

  35. Palesa Mobango
    Sun, 08 May 2016
    Reply

    I think I sort of had the same experience . My second son is turning 2 months in 5 days and I can’ tell u its not easy .My firstborn is 2 years 9 months old . And although my pregnancy I kept telling him he’s havino a baby brother to play with . And tried to get him excited . Lol boy oh boy . When Hes Brother Was born all seemed well till I got home and mommy gave the newborn all the attention . In between the tempertums and almost a month of both 2 year old n newborn sleepless night . He’s settled and I think he’s felling a little bit more secure bout sharing mommy with someone else . Still feels odd being a mom of 2 but I’m enjoying it everyday . I can’t wait for his brother to start sitting down . Then big brother can finally have a play mate .
    Motherhood is a wonderful life changing experience I don’t know if I’d do it all over again . Having had them so closely to each other . But I’m grateful for my little squad .
    My very own two man soccer team .

  36. Mon, 09 May 2016
    Reply

    My children are 2 and a half years apart. From pregnancy I involved my firstborn regarding her little sister that is on the way. She too could not comprehend why the baby was outside of my tummy and not inside. It was her duty to help with bath time and dispose of dirty diapers. She was allowed to sometime give her sister a bottle while I supervised and we always refer to her as the big sister and the little one as the baby sister. She loves knowing that she is older 🙂 So by involving her she never felt excluded. Date night was not always possible but long emails to one another filled the space; giving each other strength and reassurance of a beautiful marriage still. Hang in there, it gets easier.

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